Mom:  I got lost taking my friend to her doctor appointment in Philly because she said she knew how to get there and she didn’t, and the phone’s GPS wasn’t loading on Google maps and I was really getting worried and flustered, but we got here.
Me:  Can you retrace your steps to get home?
Mom:  No, I think we were on some one-way streets and I just don’t remember!
Me:  Okay, I’ll help.  It’s [hospital] right?  Okay, I’ll get you directions while you wait for her and text them so it won’t matter if your phone GPS isn’t working.
Mom:  Thanks!
Me:  *spends 20 minutes of time I could’ve spent getting work done, getting directions and meticulously providing step by step instructions on how to get home, including landmarks taken from Google’s street view*  There you go, just follow that and you’ll get back safe.
Mom:  Thanks. 

Me:  So you got home, good, you found everything in my instructions okay?
Mom:  No my friend said she knew the way and then we got lost again lol.


‘And who, precisely, defines the monstrousness of the monsters and the tyranny of the tyrants?’ said Lord Vetinari, his voice suddenly like a scalpel–not vicious like a sword, but probing its edge into vulnerable places. Mr Betteridge shifted uneasily.  ‘Well…the hero, I suppose.’ ‘Ah.  And the theft of these rare items…I think the word that […]

* Few religions are definite about the size of Heave, but on the planet Earth the Book of Revelation (ch XXI, v.16) gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side.  This is somewhat less than 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 cubic feet.  Even allowing that the Heavenly Host and other essential services take up at least two […]

Text Transcription: ‘Flight has been said to be one of the great dreams of Mankind. If fact it merely harks back to Man’s ancestors, whose greatest dream was of falling off the branch. In any case, other great dreams of Mankind have included the one about being chased by huge boots with teeth. And no […]

‘She held out a skein of wool. The robber took it uncertainly, aware of the grins on the faces of his men. But he opened his arms with what he hoped was a suitably evil little-does-she-suspect look on his face. “That’s right,” said the old woman, standing back. She kicked him viciously in the groin […]

‘Ah, well, life goes on,’ people say when someone dies.  But from the point of view of the person who has just died, it doesn’t.  It’s the universe that goes on.  Just as the deceased was getting the hang of everything it’s all whisked away, by illness or accident or, in one case, a cucumber. […]